The tricks of the trade: how to appear expert and deceive a neophyte

To be considered discreet connoisseurs of the wine universe – in addition to skills and attitudes – several years of study, travel and tastings are needed, and also it can applies the saying "you never stop learning".

Passing off as wine experts is much simpler and much less tiring, and it often happens that there are people who, for the most varied (but also desperate) reasons, prefer to take this shortcut.

Of course, it’s also quite easy to discover this "pseudo-connoisseurs" (those who just for having drunk a Sassicaia already consider themselves doctors in the field of wine) if you have experience and knowledge on the subject.

There are thousands of tricky topics, and I remember many hilarious scenes collected in these years of tastings and discussions around Italy, some really bordering on ridicule.

But if you are not in front of experts, or if you are dealing with novices, things change, and most of the time some tricks are enough, or rather "tricks", to give yourself a knowledge impression, appearing experts and earning the undying fame of wine connoisseur, even if in reality we find it hard to distinguish a Burgundy Pinot Noir from a Napa Valley Cabernet.

The following is a list of the most important, a real decalogue which, as mentioned, can help you seems an expert in front of our friends (or to impress the girl who after a long time you managed to invite to dinner...) but who at the at the same time – if you were on the other side – it could give you useful indications for unmasking authentic scoundrels.

  

SHOW CALM AND SOLEMNITY

General but always valid argument.

Every self-respecting connoisseur takes the right time for each phase, be it the service of the wine, the tasting but also the time necessary to formulate or answer any questions.

Unleash a seraphic calm, making every gesture you find yourself making appear solemn.

You will see that you further impress those in front of you.

 

KEEP THE GLASS IN THE CORRECT POSITION

First practical aspect to take into consideration to appear a wine expert.

The matter is apparently simple, but in reality immediately the measure of the level of wine "culture".

The glass must be held with three fingers on the stem side (or at most supported by the base) without ever - and I say never - touching the cup with the hand.

You're drinking wine, not a glass of coke.

The reason is not to influence the temperature of the wine and the aromas we perceive, but what really matters - for you who are trying to put these tricks into practice - is to avoid looking rough and clumsy, giving you instead a refined and aristocratic impression.

OPEN THE BOTTLE CORRECTLY

You are at home, so the opening operation is up to you.

It sounds easy, but in reality it can be a source of disaster, revealing your inadequacy.

First of all, choose the correct corkscrew (if you are not familiar with the blade corkscrew, use the old "professional" corkscrew), avoiding the "winged" ones, which besides being horrible to see end up destroying the cork.

After that, try to juggle this operation with skill, showing determination but at the same time avoiding giving the impression that you are applying superhuman force to extract the cap.

Pay more attention if the bottle in question has a significant age, even if it is really difficult to find corks in bad condition for wines under 10 years of age.

Once the extraction is complete, don’t forget to smell the cork, to avoid serving a defective wine to your guests, but also – if you are unable to recognize the cork scent – to give a further impression of competence.

POURING WINE LIKE A SOMMELIER

After opening the bottle, you have to serve the wine to other diners.

You cannot go wrong, also because it would be a beginner's mistake, which would irreparably unmask your "comedy".

Remember, the bottle must be kept from the bottom (and never from the neck) and if you can, try to always leave the label in sight, which always makes its beautiful scene.

Finally, after having finished pouring the wine, rotate the bottle slightly, so as to avoid annoying dripping both on the bottle itself and - above all - on the tablecloth.

 

POUR THE RIGHT QUANTITY OF WINE

Another trick that splits, without the possibility of an appeal, the wine connoisseur from the drunkard, so pay close attention to avoid fooling yourself.

The glass should be filled for about 1/3 of its total volume, in order to allow optimal aeration of the wine, as well as giving you the possibility to rotate it in order to release aromas and flavors.

So avoid filling it to the brim, but also getting too close to it, otherwise your comedy will certainly end in a great disaster.

 

ROTATE THE WINE IN THE GLASS

An iconic movement, the one that more than any other marks an insurmountable dividing line between wine-enthusiasts (or presumed) and unwitting drinkers.

I know, we often make excessive and mechanical use of it, but it makes such a scene that none of us - even if only out of habit - can do without it.

Therefore, after having done appropriate training (in order to avoid clumsy leaks of liquid) don’t miss the opportunity to rotate the wine in the glass: to observe its color, evaluate its consistency, allow the bouquet opening but also only as an involuntary movement , a small "tick" that will make your musings even more solemn and interesting.

LIST REPEAT PERFUMES

An aspect that works like few others.

I don't know the reason, but people outside of this world mainly associate the figure of the sommelier (or the expert in winemaking) with the skill to recognize the aromas contained within the glass, in an almost infinite number and with capabilities close to paranormal.

Therefore, approach your nose to the glass, and solemnly (even better if with your eyes closed) shoot the fruits and flowers that come to mind, usually of a color that remembers the wine you are tasting.

And if you find yourself in front of a beautiful red, perhaps expensive and aged, give it in with the notes associated with oak refinement and evolution (therefore tobacco, cigar, undergrowth, mushrooms, truffles, etc..)

You will see that you will hit your diners like you have discovered the elixir of youth.

In reality – beyond the fact that recognizing aromas is also an attitude that must be trained - with the passing of the years and tasting, our brain "memorize a series of olfactory profiles", which are then associated from time to time with the wines we are dealing with.

Basically, without getting too specific (or going off topic), more wines we have tasted during our wine life, more olfactory profiles our brain has memorized, and consequently more aromas we are able to associate – rather than recognize – inside a tasting.

But even this interests you in a relative way, and therefore remember that if you want to pretend to be an expert, one more scent is better than one less.

 

USE THE CORRECT TERMS

Each area has its own terminology, and the wine world, deriving from a lot traditions "aristocratic" is full of abstruse words, little used in everyday life.

In any case, using the correct terms can only give greater emphasis and truthfulness to your "performance".

The scent of wine cannot therefore be defined as "strong", but must be "intense", as well as adding terms such as "complex" and "large" to define the set of aromas you smell can only help you make a good impression.

As for the actual tasting, avoid limiting yourself to simple "good" or "bad", but broaden your vocabulary, integrating it with words such as "balanced” ,“harmonious” or “structured ”, better if  accompanied by a “false” (but effective) solemnity.

Also, don’t forget that terms such as "fresh" or "hot" – talking about wine - do not refer to its temperature, but it defines respectively acidity and alcoholic content.

So, pay attention to the words but also to how you use them!

 

USE THE WORD “TERROIR”, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

Have they asked you a question you can't answer, for example the reason for a particular scent inside the wine you are tasting? Assign it to the terroir of origin of the wine, and you will be able to get out of the difficult without any consequence.

Also because the term – of French origin and which contains a multiplicity of factors such as climate, land, traditions of a territory and philosophy of the producer – is complex to the point that it can never be really questioned, and can therefore be considered as a sort of passpartout to use if you need, even if it’s better not to abuse it too much.

EVALUATE THE WINE ALSO IN RELATION TO THE PAIRING

We're arrived at the end, so you can't give up right now.

Remembering that the “house of wine” is the table, every true expert cannot fail to consider the label value without relate it with the food with which it was paired.

Or - if you are drinking a bottle outside of a lunch/dinner, it is always chic to talk about combinations capable of enhancing or depressing the wine subject of the conversation.

In this case, you can let your imagination run free as - even if there are important guidelines on food & wine pairing, in which we Italians are real experts - with the passage of time the phrase “with food I drink what I want” is becoming more and more popular.